Time is a friend and time can be cruel. I live in both of these realities.
James Taylor sings that "The secret to life is enjoy the passage of time". Its true in so many ways.
All year I've been desiring to get past the one year mark with Izaak. It's as if you enter into a different point with your grieving, it's very real but it starts become more bittersweet and there are parts of you that can move forward. In this way time is a real friend. Nine years ago today my sister past away from complication of MS. I'm not sad today. I miss her and I would love to see her smiling face but I'm no longer devastated by the loss. She is no longer in pain and is living in a beauty beyond words. God uses time to heal. It is very much my friend.
Yesterday I was chatting with Erin the founder of Hope Mommies and I said to her that there are day that I don't want to move forward, I just want to stay locked behind my grief. This is where time can be cruel. Those moments I had with Izaak, the feeling of holding even if it was ever so short and I swear I could still feel him in my arms , The days after where I would wake and still swear I would feel him kicking or wake and I think the whole thing was just an awful nightmare - In those small moments I set aside reality even if ever so briefly and I had my son.
I no longer do that - Time has pass and some times it feels a bit cruel.
That all may sound like I'm still on the brink of reality.
Right now, today time is my friend. I can remember my sister with joy in my soul and long for my son and remember where he is.
So today I will learn how to enjoy the passage of time. Tomorrow I may feel different about time just like yesterday when it felt so cruel but in the present I will enjoy it as a friend.