This is a week that I have been expecting since last August. It looks different then what I thought it would. This is the week that my son Izaak was due. He was born, lived and died 11 weeks and two days ago. When all of this happened I didn't think that I would be this broken about it all. I didn't think that it would hurt this much. I didn't think that it would be hard to breath or this ache in my chest would prevalent. And most of all I was expecting the lies I would face and fight almost everyday.
1. That Izaak was taken from me because I'm not a good mother
2. I'm unaccomplished and I've failed
3. That desiring to something other then just be a mother must mean I'm selfish
There are a host of others
SO to combat these lies I must be reminded of the truth
1. I have a wonderful daughter! Good kids are a result of good parenting and lots of grace from God. And I believe that the father of light gives good gifts to us.
2. My husband last night kindly reminded me of what I've been able to do these past 30 years and just because I don't have a degree hanging on my wall doesn't mean that I have not accomplished much in these 30 years. AND yes I've failed, I have failed at much BUT that means I've risked, I've tried, I've moved forward.
3. If you look at what Proverbs 31 says about a woman of noble character - she is a women full of responsibilities and not all of them are at home.
Okay as I read this back to myself, this post could sound like a pity party and boasting all at the same time. But I'm in my efforts to be transparent this is my reality.
So I repeat this truth to myself -
I AM LOVED
I HAVE HOPE