Redefining

Hi everyone I've been blogging over at my other site melissaheerebout.com and I wanted to add this blog to this site as well - Redefining Sometimes I shock myself by how much I let other people, society, perception define who I am. Tim and I had a long talk yesterday about some things I’m feeling about motherhood. Coming away from that conversation I’m realizing that I let my perception of motherhood and the way that society views motherhood to define my feeling and self confidence as I mother. Here’s the real truth - Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and many times I make it WAY harder then it needs to be. As my husband very lovingly pointed out I’m an idealist. I have a plan and I want it to go that way. It’s true, I’ve talked about my task list and my planing before and there are times when I just hold on way to tight. Instead of allow other people’s expectation define who am I, what type of woman I want to become and how I choose to be a mom - what I define that ?? I mean I get to choose everyday if I allow all those other people define what I can and can’t do, how I should act, what my house looks like - I allow people who look at me strange because my toddler has a dirty face and mismatch socks sometimes - what if I just gave myself a break and instead of defining my life by my worst moments I define them by best. I have an amazing example of how to live this life by simply looking towards Jesus. I can look at his life and it shows me the best possible way to be human. We all have God given strengths and talents what if I lean into them and even better then allowing myself to define who I am what if I allow God to define who I am? SO here’s to redefining and allow God to shape who I am!

What Matters Most

At the end of your days when you look back what do you want people to remember about you? When they speak at your service what is it that you want them to say? If you live to a ripe old age what do you want your grandkids to say about the kind of person you where? Where you a person who brought joy, laughter and peace to those around them or wil they need to find polite ways to lie at your funeral to make you sound better then you were? Tim and I watched Wall Street the other night and I can't believe how much that movie spoke to me. If you haven't seen it turn on netflix and watch it because I think there are some important messages about life in it. I think the most important reminder in that movie for me was how important time is. If we spend our seeking after money we end up loosing the important things. I think its true as well if we spend our lives seeking status, power, fame we can end up loosing the things that are truly important - those things of course are relationships. Relationships with family, with friends, with God. When I come to end of my days whether that is tomorrow or 60 years from now I want people to say that I was person that fought for relationships. That time was so important to me that I spend it on things that matter most. So how will you spend your day today?

AHHH Peace again!

Life since March has been a bit nuts for me. I went to work full time for the first time since having Layla (by going to back to work I mean working outside of our home - any stay at home mama can tell you that being at home is work) I think I knew by the 3 or 4th week into my new job that it wasn't the right fit for me. I enjoyed the costumer service and working with people - but the hours and the company were just a bad fit.
This past week I knew in my heart that I was done. I was praying and I simply said that I was at my absolute end. The very day that I was praying this I received a call with a job offer - weekends off, "banker hours" better pay - YES PLEASE! This is how I know there is a God out there and that he cares about these details in my life. I knew in April that the job I had wasn't for me but I learned a lot about patience about serving and about building relationships. Once I knew that I couldn't go on there God allowed an out for me - that very day. God is compassionate to our needs and the reality of how much he love me can still shock me.

Today I have peace - incredible peace.

Dedicated to the Men

So I'm not a huge reality tv fan but I do love to watch So You Think You Can Dance and I think its because I love the stories behind the dance and how creativity is used to make us feel on a deeper level. This week the top 7 guys preformed a dance representing the 7 different phases of grief:
Shock, Denial, Bargaining,Guilt,Anger,Depression and Hope.
As I watched this dance piece I couldn't help and think about Tim and the other men out there that have lost their child - their sons and daughters. As men and women we outwardly grieve differently but each of us are going through these losses in life and experience these emotions.
So this blog post today is dedicated to Tim and all the other men out there that have experience grief.
Remember the last phase of grief is Hope.

Beautiful Scars

My heart is changing a bit. I looked at my scar from my c-section the other day and I smiled. That's a new one for me. I smiled and thought about my beautiful son. I have this mark that I will be with me forever. I had the honour of carrying Izaak for 29 weeks, holding my son. I'm so glad that I get to be Izaak's mom and that I have a mark that is with me to remind of the privilege of motherhood. So mothers out there remember that each mark that is left on your body from pregnancy represents a beautiful life, they are marks of honour. Your body is beautiful, it gave life.

Cute things my daughter says

Scene: yesterday Layla (who is 3) and I were walking down by the waterfront here in Toronto and in one of the parks is little stage on top of this grass mound. Of course my daughter is this little performer and she love to sing and dance on this little stage. However this time they where doing a film shoot along the waterfront and the film crew were using the stage.

Layla: "Mama I wanna sing my ABC on the stage"

Me: "Sorry sweetie they are making a movie there and we aren't allowed on the stage right now"

Layla "A MOVIE!"

Me: "Yup, so next we come down you can sing on the stage"

Layla (in a very sad voice): "But mama I wanna sing my ABCs, maybe I go on the stage and sing my ABC's in the movie?"


So we came to a compromise - Layla performed her ABC's on the platform of the streetcar stop as we waited to take transit home. OH what a kid - Can't wait to see her in some school performances

Image Bearers

I'm that person that can truly get lost in the moment. I can let whatever is going on overshadow all other things if I let it. I'm the person that people LOVE to market to because a good sappy commercial gets me every time and I'm ready to by that product or believe that master card commercial that what I "need" must be priceless because looks that memory that you are making. Thankfully I can be such a person who lives in the moment and by my emotions that as soon as the next commercial comes on I realize that what I really need is not the master card but the american express and then maybe the Capital One ....... and then maybe.....

Okay a bit over the top but you get the picture. For the most part I like that I'm a person who feels things at a deep level. I like to call myself passionate instead over emotional. Sometimes this does lead me into a bit of trouble. I can let negative things - those moments of regret or hurt rob me of all the good things that are going on. Often I let my my worst moment define my day, or week or month. I have this raging self critic that gets me every time. So I'm really trying to work on this. These moments will happen in life. We should realize that we have things in our live that we should regret, or things that we should change, ways that we have wronged people. We should take those moments and learn and grow and move forward into becoming the person that you were created to be AND those moments should not define you as a person. Each of us were created in be image bearers of Christ. We should allow our lives to be defined by that. That is pretty powerful. That allows me to be in a difficult and remember that I do not have to let that moment overshadow who I am in Christ.

Just some thoughts on Thursdays evening :)